~Carniclos

Some days I just don't feel like myself y'know. Sometimes I just want to stay in bed and starve. Don't feel like moving, like if I did I might fall apart. Sometimes I'm just too tired. Other times I hurt so much I wish life itself would end, but I can't do that to myself. I'm not even supposed to feel this way.

I'm a Christian, or that's what I thought at least. I don't like to claim myself a Christian because of what they all do. Always "You're going to Hell if you don't believe." Don't listen to them. They don't know any better. Rather than say you're going to hell, they should be asking if you need someone to talk to. Maybe you just need someone to hangout with? Sometimes christians can be so stupid when they need to have the wisdom to see what THEY are doing wrong.

This is why I'm not a Christian. I don't want to pressure people into my own beliefs. I just want to have friends that can relate to the troubles in my head. Sometimes no one asks what's wrong though. It makes me feel unnoticed. The sad thing is my most trusted friends are the ones doing this. The funny thing is my newest friend is the one who notices me though, but I only think it is because she had a crush on me and still likes me.

It all makes me think about the next time. The next time I feel this way, who will be there to help me? The next time I act differently, who will be there to stop me? The next time I do something wrong, who will be there to confront me? The next time this happens, will I be around to be found?

For all those who read... Keep me in thought. I struggle every day just to be seen. Sometimes I think too much on what may or may not come to pass. Some say I need to see a doctor. I know I have a problem, but I don't think they would be able to help with it.

Because when it all comes down to it. My PROBLEM is YOU!